"Me and Julio Down by the Schoolyard" Paul Simon

I may be taller than this elfin guitarist, but I doubt I could write a catchier song than him anytime soon.

• Me And Julio Down By The Schoolyard by Paul Simon

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The Presidents of the United States of America "Lump"

If it's possible to give oneself shaken baby syndrome, this is the song that's going to do it for me.

Wake up The Presidents of the United States of America! Someone is listening to their music!

• Lump by The Presidents Of The United States Of America

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Neil Diamond "The American Popular Song"

First the orchestral crescendo, the hubris of writing a song called "The American Popular Song" that itself aspires to be just that, lyrics like "it grabs you, and it holds you, feel it control you?"... Listen, I don't know who this Neil Diamond is, but when I was first born I was completely unaware of anything outside of myself. And you know what happened? I got over it. This guy never seemed to get there.

And what's this Internet? No streaming of "The American Popular Song"? For God's sake, I'm only 8 months old and I'm already so far ahead of you.

Loggins and Messina "Lahaina"

I know it's not cool to like Loggins and Messina (or it's "ironic" whatever that is). Anyway, as long as I'm still wearing diapers, I'm not going to worry much about what is and isn't cool.

• Lahaina by Loggins & Messina

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Digable Planets "Where I'm From"

You might have expected me to choose "The Examination of What" (also on reachin' (a new refutation of time and space)) because of the lyric "I'm a baby, I'm just a baby man" - and if you did, news flash genius, I'm not that self-obsessed.

• Where I'm From by Digable Planets

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Dave Mason "Bring it on Home to Me"

OK - another cover (this time the original is Sam Cooke), but get off my baby back, this is the first time I'm hearing these songs.

• Bring It On Home To Me by Dave Mason

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Blood Sweat and Tears "Smiling Phases"

Blood Sweat and Tears cover of the Traffic classic (so I'm told) - the first song that made me sit up (literally, I'm sitting up now suckas)

• Smiling Phases by Blood, Sweat & Tears

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